Faith Alone Page 10

  “Have you spoken to my doctor? Are my friends here?”

  The commotion from the hallway was too much for me to talk over.

  The nurse managed to hear me. “We’ve spoken to your doctor and are following her instructions.”

  After shoving a thermometer in my mouth, she looked toward the hallway that was only separated by two thin blue curtains.

  “There are three people waiting to get in here to see you.”

  Tracy, Vanessa, and John.

  “Your temperature is normal.” Then she turned her attention to another patient calling for a nurse.

  “When can I see my friends?”

  “You can have one visitor at a time. I’ll go out and tell them.”

  Without saying a word, she turned and raised her right index finger.

  Chuckling was a relief. Who would I see first?

  The aches and pains of the patients in the immediate area were evident. Just as the sounds got closer to the curtain, John whipped the fabric back.

  After throwing his linen blazer on the chair next to the bed, John rushed to me and grabbed my hand. “Hey. They told us that you and the baby are doing okay.”

  “Yeah, my pregnancy is high risk because of my age and my…history.”

  His eyes told me how afraid he was before the words flooded out of his mouth. “When you fell, it scared me; my heart almost stopped.”

  His words surprised me and made me look away.

  He squeezed my hand a little. “Over the last month I’ve been just moving through the day because my mind kept coming back to you.”

  I turned in his direction, and my eyes became wide with his words, but I said nothing as he grabbed the chair and pulled it closer to the bed. It was much too small for his long torso and legs. He didn’t care.

  He took another deep breath before he continued. “I’m not trying to scare you or put too much on you, but I have to tell you the truth.”

  Dude, my husband died just three months ago.

  “I won’t pressure you for anything except a friendship. If God wants more, we’ll know it. But, I want to remain in your life as a friend.”

  I didn’t invite many new people into my life because of my abandonment issues. But, I felt God’s spirit ushering in calmness as John spoke. A friendship couldn’t hurt.

  “Get some rest. I’ll be around.”

  “Okay.” I laughed as he struggled with the chair.

  As he kissed the back of my hand, we heard Tracy shout.

  “John, your time is up. Come outta there.”

  Chapter 19

  As the summer heat gave way to end of the season breezes, Dr. Price ordered me on bed rest once I was released from Southern Maryland Hospital. The only thing I was allowed to do was visit a cadre of doctors.

  Tracy and John took turns taking me. I tried to schedule most of the appointments on Mondays because Tracy didn’t do hair on that day. But on the days when she couldn’t take me, John was right there with me; no pressure.

  With nothing else to do, my TV stayed on the news channels, CNN and MSNBC. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t get enough of this political stuff. I was excited, though. America would have its first female President. I knew there was no way America would vote for an inexperienced, outwardly racist, arrogant throw-back from an era long gone. Who would want to travel back in time after the service of President Obama?

  “Emails? Why are you so worried about emails?” I screamed at the commentator trying to over talk Van Jones on CNN. Just then my phone rang.

  “Mrs. Jackson, this is Detective Smith from the Fifth District police station. How are you?”

  “I’m doing good.”

  “I hope my news makes your day great.”

  News?

  “The suspect in the murder of your husband is going to take a plea to second-degree murder.”

  “What’s second-degree murder?” I asked as I picked up the remote control to turn down the volume on the TV.

  “There was no premeditation on the suspect’s part.” Detective Smith spoke plainly as though teaching a class. He continued. “We can put him at the scene through eyewitnesses, cameras and his cigarette lighter. He knew there was no need to go to trial.”

  Then I remembered what his mother told me, that she’d do what she could to ensure he’d tell the truth. I was sure she had gotten through to him.

  “With him pleading guilty, how long would his sentence be?”

  “Twenty years to life. The prosecution will push for the strongest sentence. The prosecutor assigned to your husband’s case is Pamela Wiggins. She will be in contact with you.”

  I was quiet for a minute, feeling conflicted. Part of me wanted him sentenced to the letter of the law. But then I thought about his mother and his brother. This situation was tearing everybody up. Every second of every day, I had to focus on breathing. I had to focus on staying healthy for my baby. Then I heard that woman’s voice. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive.

  Could I?

  “Mrs. Jackson? Are you there?”

  The tissue box fell on the floor as I grabbed for it.

  “Yes, I’m here. I guess I’m trying to take all of this in.” “Mrs. Wiggins will send you the date and location of the sentencing. She may talk to you about what’s called a victim impact statement.”

  He piqued my interest even more.

  “What’s that?” I asked sitting up on the bed.

  “Well, it can be either written or oral. But, it’s a statement that someone directly connected to the crime makes. It gives the judge an opportunity to hear how the crime has affected the victim or the victim’s loved ones.”

  I’ll get a chance to speak for myself, my baby and Brian. Talking to the prosecution was something that I wanted to do now; I was not waiting for them to call me. I wanted to support the state’s case. The murderer needed to spend as much time as possible in jail for killing my husband.

  “Please email me Mrs. Wiggins’ contact information.” “I’ll send it to you now.”

  I thanked Detective Smith, and we hung up. Up next, talking to the prosecution to let them know that I wanted to make a statement on sentencing day. I would do everything that I could to ensure that the murderer was sentenced to as much time as he could get under the letter of the law.

  Chapter 20

  Fatigue brought on by sleepless nights caused weariness in my bones. The early days of fall had always caused my body to fall into hibernation mode. I guess the darkness brought on by shorter days gave me the winter blues. But, today was the day for the sonogram that should reveal the gender of the baby.

  I should have felt happy. Keyword: should.

  Twenty weeks pregnant. My second trimester; I could do this.

  As my body lulled itself in and out of sleep, I heard the weatherman mention that today’s forecast included rain. A swift change of heart told me that I needed to stay in today. Rescheduling couldn’t hurt, just for a day or two.

  Grabbing my pillows and tossing back and forth across the bed, various thoughts clouded my mind. The most prominent was that seeing the baby would be like seeing a part of Brian.

  Just get up.

  Tracy would help me get out of bed. I grabbed my phone which was lying next to me. She’d texted me once, but since the phone was on silent, I didn’t hear the notification. Due to the low battery, I plugged it up. Hanging off of the edge of the bed, so that I could talk while the phone was charging, I called her. She answered as if expecting my call.

  “Hey. I didn’t forget you. I plan to get to your house at ten thirty; a client came in early for a quick wash and blow dry.”

  Tracy squeezed as many clients into one day as she could. With the mood I was in, she could squeeze a few more in this morning, too. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, gathering strength I told her, “I think I’m gonna reschedule my appointment, I don’t feel like it today.”

  I heard the pitter-patter of light rain against my window, followed
by Tracy clearing her throat.

  “What happened? You were looking forward to the appointment when we talked yesterday.”

  Her voice was more calming than I imagined. I admitted, “I’m tired.”

  “I’ll come and help you get dressed. Don’t worry about your hair or what you’ll put on. I’ll take care of all of that when I get there.”

  Shaking my head, I muttered, “Okay.”

  Since Tracy was willing to help me, a need to help myself swept over me. I got up and took a shower. Taking a glance in the mirror, it was apparent that Tracy would need to do something with this head. I crawled back in bed and must’ve drifted to sleep because Tracy’s phone call woke me up. It was nine thirty-five.

  “I’ve got some news. But, we can work it out.”

  Pulling the covers up over my shoulders, I readied myself.

  “I have a flat tire.”

  I didn’t comment, and she continued.

  “Since Vanessa’s gone I think we should call John to take you to this appointment.” She knew I’d protest and said, “Hear me out. He’s been doing good with following through when we’ve needed him. I know this appointment is special, and I don’t want us to begin canceling appointments. We want to be on top of everything.”

  Her words sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

  I look terrible. Wait. Why was I thinking about how I looked?

  “Are you there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Listen to me,” she said as I heard cars racing up and down the street as she stood outside by her car. “I know you’re scared. But, we want to make sure everything is okay. If Triple- A gets here, I’ll join you. But, either way, you’ll see me today. Maybe we’ll go to dinner.”

  That would be nice. Even though my test results had been good, I was still scared because I knew I could go to the very end and…

  “Let’s stay on track with our appointment, okay?”

  Through a sniffle, I managed to respond. “You’re right.” “Text me John’s number and I’ll call him to make sure he can do it. Keep your phone charged and near you. Be ready at ten forty either way.”

  Thank goodness John was in town this week with his D.C. basketball camp.

  Tracy called to let me know that John would be there no later than ten forty. “Put a little powder on your face and line your eyes.”

  I was starting to wonder if this girl really had a flat tire or if this was some type of way to get John and me to spend more time together.

  “Tracy, I’m going through with the appointment today, but don’t tell me what to do with my face.”

  “Whateva.”

  We hung up and I dressed. She kept hair products in the guest bedroom. I called her back and she walked me through which ones to put on my hair so that it stayed down. I grabbed a cute fedora that matched the sweater I wore, walked downstairs and realized I had a little time to spare.

  By the time I was ready, it was ten thirty. Lying on the couch I thought about Brian. Lord, I wished he was here. The minute I curled up waiting for John, the phone vibrated alerting me of a text.

  John: I’m parked outside the house. Me: I’ll be out in less than five minutes.

  Although I didn’t anticipate seeing him, it added a sparkle to my day. I’d never tell Tracy, though.

  I tossed a few croissants in my bag. Tracy bought them so that I could have something to eat on my way out of the door.

  As I pulled the door open, my heart almost fell to the ground. Startled I screamed, “Oh Lord!”

  John was standing in the doorway waiting for me. I expected him to stay in the car like he usually did.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s drizzling and I didn’t want you to get wet. I had this huge golf umbrella in my car.”

  He was right; a small family could fit under it.

  When we were together, John was a high school boy, not quite sure of himself and silly. But now…he was a confident, strong, and protective man.

  After locking the door, I noticed that the raindrops fell harder. As both of us grabbed the handle of the umbrella, his large hand rested on mine. We glanced at each other for a second. Then we hurried to the car. He opened my door and tucked my raincoat in so that it didn’t get caught when he closed it.

  I settled in.

  “Are we headed to the same office as last time?” “Same place, same bat channel.”

  He turned on the car and then the radio. After flipping stations, he settled on WHUR.

  Frankie Beverly crooned, “I’m so happy to see you and me back in stride again!”

  John turned it up and joined in with Frankie, looking at me, “Back in stride again.”

  I was glad the song was ending. He was doing the snake.

  “John, please stop dancing and drive.”

  “Okay, okay. But, you have to admit that it was right on time.”

  I don’t have anything to admit.

  “I was at the gym when Tracy called. I jumped into the shower and almost did cartwheels to get here.”

  “You. Are. Crazy.”

  “That’s what they say.”

  My body relaxed and melted into the leather seats, my legs angled toward him. We were about ten minutes away; we shouldn’t be more than five minutes late.

  “You know I appreciate you dropping your plans for the morning and helping me. I could’ve taken Uber.”

  We came to a stop sign. After pulling off, out of nowhere a car came to a screeching halt. John’s arm instinctively shielded me from moving forward.

  “What the…?” John screamed.

  The driver threw his hands up in the air and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you alright?”

  “I am. I’m good.”

  “If I was the old John, I’d have gotten out of this car ready to beat him down.”

  The old John.

  “How many Johns are there?”

  He turned to glance at me and his raised eyebrows asked, do you really want to know, without saying one word.

  “I want to know,” I answered him right back.

  Leaning into a right turn, he spoke about his past. “I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done in my life. Loneliness caused me to run through women when I first joined the NBA. You could say I didn’t take their feelings into consideration.” As he turned down the radio he continued. “No one wants to be road kill.”

  His look was pensive and I kept quiet because I didn’t want to interrupt his thoughts.

  “I’m not using loneliness as an excuse. I’m just glad some Christian players spoke to me and encouraged me to do better.”

  Before continuing, he stole a look at me.

  “The Holy Spirit convicted me and I gave my life to Christ.”

  He was a Christian. The John I knew in high school didn’t go to church or speak about God.

  “It sounds like you have a testimony.”

  “And I share it whenever I can. But, not only do I have a testimony, I have a ministry of working with young men. I don’t beat people over the head with my faith, but I don’t mind sharing the love that I have for Christ.”

  It was always good to hear a man talk about the goodness of God. John wasn’t a bad boy in school so I shouldn’t have been surprised.

  We arrived at the doctor’s office and there was a small parking lot reserved for the clients. After John squeezed his SUV into a space, we walked into the building and caught the elevator to the third floor.

  As we walked down the hallway, my technician, Ms. Lori, walked a couple out of the office door.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Battle, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

  John and I stepped to the side to let the couple pass. As we entered the doctor’s office, Ms. Lori greeted us.

  “I’m going to step into the ultrasound room to make sure everything is ready for you. Do me a favor and fill these papers out.”

  She handed the clipboard to me with a pen. John helped me take my raincoat of
f and hung it up along with his jacket.

  Before she headed down the hallway she told us, “I’ll be right back for the both of you.”

  The both of you? Awkward.

  I wanted to blurt something out. ‘He’s just a friend, he’s not coming in with me.’ But she was gone down the hall.

  I was left only with John’s smirk. “Well look at it like this. I don’t get to see any of your private parts. Don’t you just roll down your pants, with only your stomach exposed?

  Dis negro here.

  “But seriously, you shouldn’t go in there alone. Let me be a friend and be here for you now.”

  He was right. Nothing would be exposed even though it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before, years and years ago.

  “Okay. I’ll go in and prepare. I’ll have Ms. Lori come out to get you when she’s ready to begin the sonogram.”

  “Deal.”

  I went into the ultrasound room, got ready and while alone, that was when my heart starting beating, faster and faster.

  Breathe. Just breathe.

  The door squeaked open and I turned my head toward it. The fear in my eyes must’ve screamed out to John because he hurried over, sitting in the chair next to the table. He didn’t say anything, but he held my hand.

  “Are you okay, Mrs. Jackson?”

  Am I okay? My stomach was doing flips and it was not the baby.

  “I’m fine. I’m ready.”

  “Before we get started, I need to ask, do you want to know the gender or do you want to be surprised?”

  I had thought about it and I wanted to know. I was stressed enough. I didn’t want that question to weigh heavy on my mind.

  “I want to know today.”

  “Then let’s get started. And we’re doing the three- dimensional ultrasound. You requested that one, right?”

  They said these new sonograms allowed you to really see your baby. When I checked the box, it wasn’t with optimism. I thought back to Christian and wished they had this type of technology around back then. I would’ve seen him, at least once.

  Ms. Lori grabbed the gel and squeezed it onto my tummy. With the sensor, she spread it across the baby. The only sound in the room was the gurgling from the machine.