Faith Alone Read online

  “Where is she? Can she talk?” “She can talk. Hold on.”

  I reached for the phone. “Hey, John.” “What in the world happended?”

  “I had a headache that wouldn’t go away late last night.”

  He almost didn’t allow me to complete my sentence before asking his question. “Why didn’t you call me then?”

  “We didn’t call you because it was late and we fell asleep.”

  Silence pierced through the phone for a second before he continued. “I think I should leave the toy deliveries to volunteers and come see you.”

  I maintained a strong voice so he’d know that I was fine. “No. This is major for the foundation. The kids want to see you. Don’t disappoint them. You know the doctors just want to be careful.”

  “Ugh. You’re right. They’ve pumped these kids up.”

  “You know I’m right. Take care of the deliveries and I’ll see you later.” He didn’t respond. I continued. “I’m good.” “Okay. I’ll see you soon, very soon.”

  “See you later.” I ended the call and handed Tracy her phone.

  Vanessa chimed in while putting on her coat. “That brother cares about you.”

  “He does, but what is it that they say, it’s complicated.”

  After kissing me goodbye, they left.

  About an hour later, Nurse ReAnn came in with breakfast. I ate some but wasn’t really hungry.

  “Ms. Lachelle, if you don’t want that then I can get you something else. Toast? Tea?”

  My eyes were heavy and I didn’t understand why because I had gotten a good night’s rest. Then I tried to smile at Nurse ReAnn but I couldn’t even move my lips, they almost felt paralyzed.

  From the TV that hung in the corner of the room, I heard Steve Harvey say, “And the number one answer is,” but with the way my lids were lowered, I couldn’t even see what rolled over on the board.

  Finally, I allowed my eyes to completely close, and then a second later, frantic shouts came from Nurse ReAnn. “Code Blue, Code Blue!”

  Over her voice, there were beeps and alarms, and then other voices before there were louder beeps and alarms.

  Something was wrong. That was my second to last thought.

  My final thought: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

  Chapter 25

  A cool, light breeze woke me up. The smell of salt raced up my nose. My fingertips buried themselves in, what felt like, soft sand. I was in heaven, I was sure of it.

  If I could have mustered the courage to move, I would have covered my eyes and peeped through my fingers to glimpse at my eternal home. But, I wasn't that brave. So I just laid there, waiting for something to happen.

  The sounds were heavenly though. Crickets chirped, I heard waves. Then, I built up my courage and blinked. I saw stars twinkling like dancing diamonds in the sky. I blinked again, but this time, I shifted my eyes from left to right to get more of heaven's view. I saw the glow of the moon, and the glitter of the light bouncing off the water.

  With the speed of a sloth, I opened my eyes wider.

  Nurse ReAnn glided toward me, her feet barely touching the water beneath her. She looked radiant in her yellow celestial gown. The light of the moon emanated from her as she came toward me, smiling as her wings spread wide behind her. When she got close enough, she touched my hand. “Hi, Ms. Lachelle.”

  At first, I didn’t say anything. Can dead people talk?

  “Ms. Lachelle, you’re not dead.” She read my mind. “You are in a suspended state, between life and death. God knew that now was the time because you trusted me on earth. He knew you’d trust me here with our task.”

  “I’m not dead?” I asked.

  “No, but this state cannot last long or you will die. I am your angel and I will facilitate our task. God has watched your faithfulness over the last few months. He wanted to reward you.”

  “Reward me? Why? I haven't been faithful, there were days when I wanted to give up. There were days when I was mad at Him.”

  “But you didn’t give up, you prayed, you kept the faith; now God wants to reward you.” Nurse ReAnn raised her arm and for the first time, I moved. I turned my head in the direction she pointed and saw a bright light leading to the moon. Then I saw his face, painted on the moon. My man, my love, my dead husband, Brian.

  “My Chelle.” I heard Brian’s velvety tenor voice call me in that way that I thought I’d never hear again. God allowed me to hear his voice again; see his face again. If I was dreaming, I hoped I’d never wake up.

  “I know you have been hurting, missing me. I’ve seen your tears and cries. But, through it all, you kept the faith, all for our baby.”

  “Brian.” I was finally able to breathe his name. But I didn't want to do too much else. I didn't want to miss a moment with my love.

  “Chelle, I need you to fight. I didn’t have a chance to fight for my life. I want you to fight. Fight to kiss our baby girl. I want you to tell her how much her daddy will always love her." He paused. "I will love her to the moon and back.”

  He knew it was a girl. Until this moment only Dr. Price, Ms.

  Lori, Tracy, Vanessa, and John knew the gender of our baby.

  “But Brian, you aren't here. I know I should be happy, but there are some days when...”

  “You are lonely.” He said what I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Brian continued, “God is faithful. He gives you what you need when you need it.”

  Was he talking about John?

  “And remember, He began this good work in you and He will continue His work until it is finished.” He paused as if he wanted that scripture to settle inside of me. “Will you fight for your life so that our daughter has one parent in the flesh?”

  It was hard to fight. That took energy and Brian had been my energizer. His smile gave me life. “I’m torn between wanting to be with you and wanting to be there with our baby.”

  "That shouldn't be a conflict or a contest at all. You have to choose life -- your life and our baby's life."

  I knew Brian's words were the truth, but I had to tell him my truth as well. "I want to be happy, darling, I really do. And there were days when I almost was, but I didn't want to betray you.”

  “Love is never a betrayal. I’ve felt your pain, I've seen your tears. But, for the sake of our daughter, you have to let go of the hurt and pain, knowing that a part of me is still there with you and will always be with you. I want you to be happy, and you just have to remember that God always has a plan.”

  As soon as Brian said those words, our eyes locked and together, we recited, “For I know the plans that I have for you, plans for good and not for disaster,” like we had so many times before. There were tears in my eyes as he continued. “My Chelle, our baby girl has a future. You have a future, don’t ever forget that. Please accept the future that God has promised.”

  His voice sounded farther away, but I could still hear him. “Have faith, keep the faith; faith alone will get you through this. Only. By. Faith.”

  I was getting ready to ask him how I could do that when his face began to fade. "No, Brian!" I called to him. I wasn't ready to let him go again.

  “Ms. Lachelle." I heard Nurse ReAnn calling my name, but I didn't want to hear anything she had to say. I wanted to stay with Brian. "I must get you back. You cannot stay in this state any longer.”

  I blinked back tears as I thought about what my husband had said. If I fought, if I fought to stay alive for our baby and me, a piece of Brian would always be with me because of this time that God had graced me with. I couldn’t waste these moments. I had to do what Brian said.

  "Come on, Ms. Lachelle." Nurse ReAnn said, taking my hand.

  I nodded, and inside I made a vow to Brian. I will fight for my life and the life of our daughter, I promise you. I won’t waste these gifts that God has given me. The gift of seeing you one more time and the gift of our daughter. I will do everything I can to show God that I appreciate this time that He gave us.

  As Nurse ReA
nn pulled me away, my eyes stayed focused on the moon, even as Brian's face had completely faded away. And as my nurse took me back, I closed my eyes and now, talked to my daughter. “Baby Girl, we’ve got some work to do!”

  Chapter 26

  I was asleep, but I was awake. I could hear everything that was going on, but I couldn’t say a thing. I could see, too, even though my eyes weren’t open, they couldn’t open.

  It was scary, but then, it was not. I felt calm; I felt peace. I felt as if I should just lay there and listen to the doctors so they could do their work -- the work for me and my baby.

  “Mrs. Jackson’s vitals have stabilized.”

  That was Dr. Price's voice.

  “Let’s begin inducing the coma."

  Oh, my God, a coma. I tried to frown, but nothing on me would move.

  Dr. Price said, "If she remains in stable condition, throughout the day, we should be able to give Mrs. Jackson a very sweet Christmas gift."

  The doctors went on to discuss when they would reconvene and then, I was left alone with just the machines that beeped with each of my heartbeats, and the nurses, who kept up a regular schedule checking on me. I waited to see Nurse ReAnn, but she wasn't among the staff. I hoped she would be there when it was time for my baby to be born.

  Hours later, Dr. Price came back into the room, and I wanted to shout when I heard her tell the team, "She's strong enough. We can do this." Then, she leaned over me and said, "Hang in there, Mrs. Jackson; you're strong."

  I wanted to tell her that I was strong, even stronger than she knew since I saw Brian. There were no doubts now -- I would do this.

  I heard one of the nurses say the time. I felt the gentle movement of the bed. The wheels squeaked as they rolled me down the bright hallway. I started to feel anxious, but then I reminded myself to stay calm. Breathe. Just breathe. Finally, we arrived in the operating room. Although they placed my bed under a light, it was cold.

  “Mrs. Jackson, I hope you can hear me. We will begin your caesarian section now.”

  I didn’t feel anything, but I smelled something burning. Half of the staff was focused on Dr. Price’s hands while the other half was focused on the machines’ monitors, blinking and beeping. No one seemed concerned about the smell. Again, I told myself to breathe, just breathe.

  Suddenly, everyone in the room heard the loud cries of the baby. My baby. The doctors and the nurses shouted a collective, “Yes.” Dr. Price delivered my little Christmas package to a nurse. As she cleaned her up, a tear streamed down her cheek, as I heard her say, “The miracle of Christmas.”

  “Let’s get her to the NICU for examination,” said Dr. Price. I was glad that Dr. Price had already explained to me what would happen in the operating room because her instruction, to the nurse, would’ve alarmed me if I didn’t know that all premature babies were taken to the neonatal intensive care unit immediately after birth.

  For the first time in a long time, I was happy. This was why Brian wanted me to fight. He wanted me to live to see the plan that God had for me. As sleep eased into my body, I clung to one of Brian’s last phrases. “Faith alone…’

  Chapter 27

  “Mrs. Jackson, Mrs. Jackson.” I heard a voice shouting. My eyes widened enough for me to see a nurse opening the blinds. I squinted as the light filtered through.

  “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Jackson.” My eyes shot open.

  Then, I remembered, and I lifted my hand to my belly.

  “Faith." I whispered in a raspy voice.

  “Shhhh.” The nurse directed. “Your baby girl is here, weighing in at five pounds and three ounces and very healthy. Her lungs are strong, trust me. She gave us a very determined cry.”

  I smiled, but then suddenly, I was overcome with exhaustion. Right before I closed my eyes, I wondered, Where is Nurse ReAnn?

  In my sleep, more dreams came to me -- Nurse ReAnn and Brian. Had I seen my husband? Had I dreamed about him? My questions were many, but my sleep was filled with peace.

  When I awakened, the sun's rays brightened my room, and my eyes fell to the white bassinet beside my bed.

  "Oh." I whispered.

  “Let me help you sit up.” A nurse whom I didn’t recognize was in my room monitoring the machines.

  The only thing I wanted to do was cradle my baby girl. This was a dream come true. “Can I hold her?” “I’ll give her to you.”

  Sliding her right hand under her head and the other under her bottom, she placed her in my arms.

  I looked at my baby. I had a baby. Life had new meaning. I had someone to love again.

  “Hi, baby.” I cradled her. Her little eyes struggled to open, and she gazed at me as though she knew me. I stroked her smooth skin. “I wish that I had been the first person to hold you. But now, I’ll never let you go.” I took in the soft, pale pink preemie onesie that she was wearing. “Where did you get this cute little ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ bonnet?” As I stroked the bonnet, I noticed the yellow wings on the side. That made me blink, and I remembered -- Nurse ReAnn...in my dream...and her wings.

  “It wasn’t a dream.” I whispered. “Nurse ReAnn was my angel.”

  As I secured her in my arms, I remembered Brian’s last words to me. Have faith. Keep the faith. Faith alone.

  “Baby girl, your daddy gave me your name. My baby, Faith.” I nuzzled my cheek against her cheek.

  “I’m going to leave you and the baby alone now. Is there anything you’d like me to get for you?” She asked over her red bifocals.

  I shook my head. I didn’t need anything else. God gave me the best Christmas gift.

  She left and not even five minutes later I noticed the door sliding open. John popped his head through the door. “Can I come in for a minute?”

  I smiled, remembering what Brian said. “God is faithful. He gives you what you need when you need it.”

  I shook my head.

  His crumpled clothes told the story of his six feet and seven-inch frame crammed into a chair waiting for good news. He threw his jacket in the empty chair in my room.

  Before he sat down in it, he stole a look at my baby girl.

  “She’s precious.” he whispered.

  “How long have you been here?” I asked.

  “Most of the night. Tracy and Vanessa are in the waiting area still asleep. I had to tip in here. You know Tracy wasn’t having me seeing you first this time.”

  “Y’all are getting along so well.”

  His laugh was his agreement. “I can’t stay. I’m gonna get out of here and run through my mom’s house. My daughter will probably be waking up soon, and I want to be there when she does. She knows I’m Santa, but you know how ten-year-old girls can be. ‘Where’s Daddy?’” He mocked her, taking his voice up at least five octaves. “I’ve been in different cities most of her life. Now I finally get the time to be home for the holidays and that’s important to me.”

  “I hope I get to meet her one day.”

  “Oh, you will. The family calls her the baby whisperer. I believe you two will get along well.”

  His sincerity, his love showed in his eyes.

  “Do you have a name for her yet?” “I’m mulling over one in particular.”

  He got up to wash his hands at the sink in the small bathroom off the room and then, he stood at the side of my bed.

  “Can I hold her before I leave?”

  “You may.” I said extending my arms to him.

  John sat down and focused on her.

  “Hey beautiful, just like your momma.”

  The baby looked up at John as he spoke. “You are a precious gift from God. Your mother kept the faith. Faith alone was what she leaned on.”

  Faith alone. Brian used the same phrase.

  “I’m gonna give you back to your momma now. But, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  After he placed her back in my arms, he grabbed his jacket.

  Before he slipped out of the door, I said, “Faith, say goodbye to John.”

  His fac
e lit up as bright as a Christmas tree. Then he ducked out of the hospital room door.

  Turning my attention to the joy in my arms, I spoke to my daughter. “Baby, I hope you like the name Faith because, without faith, nothing is possible. We’ve been through a lot and with God, we’ll get through anything. And we have a heavenly angel, your dad." Then, I paused. "No, we have two heavenly angels, your daddy, and our nurse. They will always watch over us.”

  As I rocked Faith in my arms, I heard Eddie Kendrick’s smooth tenor, falsetto voice singing Silent Night, coming from the nurses’ station.

  I sang along: "Round yon Virgin Mother and Child. Holy Infant so tender and mild..."

  For the first time, I smiled, I really smiled. "Faith, we had anything but a silent night.”

  Epilogue

  Easter Sunday at Divine Restoration Christian Ministries was alive with shouts of “Thank-you Jesus” and “He is risen” as Pastor Smith rose to the pulpit. Vibrant colored dresses, hats and suits filled the sanctuary as people walked the aisles praising and worshiping God. The praise was so high that Pastor Smith signaled Brother Jones, the Minister of Music, to strike up the sound.

  After throwing his arms up into the air, the choir jumped up and the sweet sound of Kirk Franklin’s ‘Don’t Cry’ brought most of the congregation to their feet. Vanessa and I stood amidst the praise and worship with outstretched arms. Tracy held Faith, rocking to the music.

  “Give Him praise. Give. Him. The. Praise.” Pastor encouraged everyone to get their shout on, and they did, up and down the aisles. The emotional frenzy continued until he instructed the band to bring the sound down.

  As the choir sang the last melody, Pastor Smith spoke. “Why do you cry? He has risen. Why are you weeping? He’s. Not. Dead!”

  The spirit was still high with praise and worship as shouts of “For me.” and “Thank-you, Jesus.” echoed throughout the congregation.

  Pastor Smith stood behind the large wooden pulpit as the thankful cries dissipated. “I have a Word from the Lord. But before I begin preaching I’d like to bring up a family today for an Easter Sunday baby dedication.”