Faith Alone Read online

  When I told Tracy that I wanted her to go with me to visit Christian, she didn’t fuss. I expected her to rant and rave about leaving the past in the past. Her response surprised me. “His birthday is next week. Why don’t we go then?”

  Really! Tracy remembered Christian’s birthday, July 1st. Blood didn’t make us sisters, life’s journeys did; innocence lost, maturity gained. She knew that I coped with this by tucking it away in the recesses of my mind and she’d respected that.

  After I dressed, I went to the kitchen. Tracy and Vanessa were waiting for me, ready to go.

  “Good morning Sunshine.” Vanessa greeted me in a sarcastic tone because I didn’t look anything like the sun.

  I grabbed a barstool and sat down at the breakfast nook. Tracy flipped a huge pancake. “That wasn’t for me, was it? I just threw up everything I’ve eaten over the last year. I know I did.”

  “Well Chica, it was. I’ll fix you some toast and tea because you should try to put something on your stomach. I’ll wrap it, and you can take it with you.”

  No sympathy here. No excuses was Tracy’s look to me.

  “You guys go ahead to the car. Give me a few minutes to lock up.”

  Tracy gave me the look. Don’t play with me.

  I gave her my look and responded. “I’m coming, just give me a few minutes.”

  They grabbed their purses and walked out of the door.

  I looked into the huge, silver trimmed mirror hanging by the door and smoothed my hair. After I applied my lipstick, a smile stretched across my face. Tracy and Vanessa were going with me, but I knew that Brian was right beside me, just like he promised.

  I locked the door and got into the back of Tracy’s Mercedes Benz C350.

  If you were from D.C., you’d probably bury your loved one in one of three cemeteries. Christian was buried at National Harmony Memorial Park, right across the D.C. line in Landover, MD. The air conditioner was on full blast while WHUR, Howard University’s radio station, played a few hip- hop hits from the 90’s. Bell, Biv, DeVoe’s Poison blasted, followed by Wreckx-n-Effect’s Rump Shaker.

  “Yup yup it’s Teddy, ready with the one-two checker.

  Wreckx-n-effect is in effects, but I’m the Wrecker.”

  Tracy looked into the rearview mirror to make sure I was okay. She couldn’t see my eyes because of the sunglasses, so I gave her a thumbs up, and she nodded.

  Was I okay? Was this really a journey that I needed to travel? I’d know in a few minutes as the cemetery was only fifteen minutes from my house.

  “Lachelle, are you sleep? Wake up, we’re here,” Vanessa’s voice echoed through the car.

  I wasn’t asleep, just resting my eyes, as the seniors say. When I opened them, we were riding between two huge, brick walls. The black granite sign confirmed that we had arrived at the National Harmony Memorial Park Cemetery.

  Anxiety replaced peace, and my stomach felt like someone was squeezing it into a knot as we entered. The driveway was smooth as butter, a stark contrast to many of the streets in the metropolitan area.

  Trees, with the greenest of green leaves, greeted us as we entered the cemetery. After riding about fifty feet we slowed down at a circle; we could either go left or right.

  “Uhm, which way should I go?” Tracy thought out loud. “Make a left,” Vanessa responded. Tracy made a right.

  Under different circumstances, I would’ve burst out laughing.

  After Tracy drove to the right, we saw a sign pointing to the office to get the location of Christian’s plot.

  "Just like you always bet on black, you always go right if you don’t know the direction, because it is the right way. Vanessa responded with a whateva look in her eyes.

  After we got the directions, Tracy drove through the twists and turns of the cemetery, and I placed my hand on my stomach hoping that the tea and toast I was able to eat stayed in place.

  “Based on the numbers of the plots, we’re here,” Vanessa announced. “I’ll pull over.” Tracy said.

  All three of us opened our doors, and I told them, “I know y’all got my back, but I want to walk over there alone and just sit for a while.”

  “Since we can see you, I’m good with that,” Tracy said, giving me her permission.

  “You won’t be alone. I see someone else over there visiting a loved one, too.” Vanessa was right. In the distance, we saw a man sitting in the grass. I hoped there would be a bit of distance between us so that I could let my feelings out in private.

  Vanessa gave me the paper with the plot number, and I grabbed the little blue teddy bear I wanted to leave Christian. She gave me tissues, too.

  I made my way through the various plots, looking at the names and numbers. It was quiet, except for the birds chirping in the background.

  When it seemed that I was getting closer to Christian’s, it was clear the man was sitting very close to where I was headed. His back was to me so I couldn’t make out his face. The man wasn’t moving. Then I saw those long legs stretched out, as he leaned against a small bench under a hibiscus tree with a child- sized basketball sitting next to him. I couldn’t believe it. His caramel colored skin; and his older looking baby face, after all of these years.

  As he heard the crinkle of a leaf under my foot, he turned around.

  “John Braxton?” I was able to say, although very surprised that his name even came out of my mouth.

  “What’s up, shawty?” he said, standing up.

  I hadn’t seen him since the night before he left for the University of Kentucky in the summer of 1993.

  With his eyes closed, his head dropped. After a few silent moments, he raised his head, and stood up. The pain in his eyes greeted mine.

  As we stood there quiet, not knowing what to say, my mind took me back to a time John and I had shared. John had tried to be attentive to me in the spring of our senior year of high school. I didn’t want to go to my prom seven months pregnant, so we went to the movies and IHOP instead.

  Once we graduated, the demands of recruitment to the University of Kentucky pulled John away. He checked in as often as he could and promised to come back a week before the baby was due in August. But nature happened, and John wasn’t my focus once I got sick and delivered early.

  Bringing me out of my thoughts, John said, “I’ve visited him since what would’ve been his fifth birthday, on this day, every year.”

  He wiped off the bench and motioned for me to sit down.

  “I’m sorry about your husband. Based on everything that I read in the newspaper or heard on the news, he seemed like a good dude.”

  “He was the best.” Then I asked, “How do you know so much about what’s going on here?”

  I knew that John completed college on his basketball scholarship, then had gone on to the NBA. But after ten years, he’d been cut from Milwaukee. After leaving the NBA, he spent the majority of his basketball career playing for teams in Europe.

  “My moms tells me about what’s going on here with my friends.”

  Friends.

  “Uhm, your mother. Why would she tell you anything about me? She never liked me.”

  “Naw, it wasn’t that. She didn’t want my career to get off track.”

  I gave him a side-eye as if to ask, what about me? He understood and elaborated.

  “The spring of our senior year was a trip; coaches from schools visiting us, coming to talk to Coach. Do you remember how many times I had to take the SAT just to make sure that I scored high enough to get into the top schools?”

  “But since I didn’t have a father, I intended to be there for our baby and for you. But once we graduated.” He paused and shook his head. “I didn’t have a choice but to leave for summer school to take a few credits so that I wouldn’t have to take as many during the year. Part of me wanted to stay here with you, but the other part knew how much my moms had sacrificed the last twelve years of her life to make sure that I had the best. She wanted our dream of the NBA to come true, and I wanted it fo
r her and for me. I had hoped that it would be for us one day. I made my mother promise me that she would step in and do what I would do, be there for you until I could get back home. She knew that not knowing what was going on with you was stressful. I should’ve called you more often after I left, but you know how it was before we had cell phones. You weren’t due until August, and I guess that date was on my mind. Moms didn’t even tell me that you got sick and had the baby, prematurely, until at least a week after it happened.”

  I guess more for him than for me; he repeated, “I didn’t even know my son was born until a week afterward. Moms was like, ‘they’ve already buried the baby, so there is no need to come home.’ When I didn’t hear from you, I took it as a hint that you wanted to move on with your life.”

  “It happened so quickly,” I offered.

  “Yeah, but that’s no excuse on my part. I called you when my mother finally told me. But, I don’t think your mother wanted us to talk either. She kept telling me that I had just missed you or that you were resting.”

  I chuckled in disbelief. I’d asked my mother if I missed any calls from John. I even checked the mail for letters. I would find cute little notes from John in my spiral notebooks when we first started hanging out. I thought he might’ve resorted to mail. Then weeks turned into months and months turned to years.

  John continued, “Once I graduated from Kentucky, I heard you got married. I didn’t want to become a distraction, so I admired you from afar.” Then he added, “And I never forgot our little man.”

  I didn’t want John to beat himself up because things worked out the way God intended. “We shared the bond of our baby, but we were young. We weren’t in love.”

  Turning to look him in his eyes I continued. “Yes, we liked each other, and I knew that you would’ve stood by our baby and me. But, once we lost him I felt like it provided us with the freedom to do what we wanted to do in life. You were destined to play in the NBA, and I was destined for college.”

  I also felt the need to confess that I hadn’t been as loyal to our little man as he had.

  “This is my first time here since the day we buried him. Brian suggested that I come. We were planning to come together until…”

  Dabbing my face with the tissue, I continued. “Tracy suggested that I come today. Wait...did she know that you were coming here today?”

  “Tracy and I are Facebook friends. I use social media as therapy sometimes; I probably said too much on there. Tracy probably figured that I’d be here.”

  We both laughed.

  Then, it hit me. The reward money. I knew I didn’t have any friends who could afford to put up that type of money. If it had been any groups that Brian was affiliated with, they would’ve told me.

  I had to know, I had to ask John if it were him especially since he mentioned hearing about Brian’s murder and connecting Brian to me.

  “Someone anonymously put up a ten thousand dollar reward for information leading to a conviction in Brian’s case.” I paused and gave him a long stare. “Do you know anything about that?”

  “Lachelle, I always cared about you. You were the mother of my first child. You hold a special place in my heart. I’d do anything so you could have a sense of closure.”

  Brian was my true love; my soulmate. I held no malice in my heart against John. Both of us did the best we could.

  Wiping my head with one of my tissues, I said, “This wasn’t what I expected when I came here today. I wanted to talk to Christian for a few minutes. There’s just a lot of stuff on my mind.”

  The look on John’s face was priceless as he punctuated each word of his next question, probably thinking delivered that way, would produce a positive response from me. “How would you feel if I told Tracy and your other friend that I’ll take you home and we can talk in the car? I want you to have time alone here, too. It’s hot as fire, and maybe we could stop and get some ice cream or something cool to drink to catch up.”

  I hadn’t seen John in what seemed like one hundred years.

  But, he was a good dude, and I still trusted him.

  “They won’t listen to you. I’ll text Tracy. My cell phone is in my pocket, but when you go back to your car, please get my purse out of Tracy’s and put it in yours.”

  “I gotchu.”

  I watched as John walked to the cars, conscious of not walking on anyone’s markers. He seemed to zig-zag back to the curb. The text to Tracy took a second and then I focused on my baby.

  I sat down on the ground in front of the Christian’s marker, smoothing the dirt away, my legs extended with my arms behind me propping me up. “Hey, honey. It’s mommy.” Twenty-three years earlier, he knew my voice. He’d kick or move at the sound. But, I felt a need to identify myself. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been to visit you. You’d be a grown man now.” I took a few minutes to imagine him as an adult. Would he have been a basketball player like his father or a doctor, or a lawyer?

  “You’ll have a brother or a sister soon. And when they are old enough to understand, I’ll tell them about my first baby.” As a single tear dropped, I was able to whisper, “I love you Christian and I always will.” After sitting the teddy bear on his marker, I promised, “I’ll be back.”

  This time I smoothed over the corner of his marker but more in the way that a mother would wipe the corner of her child’s mouth or smooth down their hair with a dab of spit from the tip of her finger.

  Walking to the car, I saw John, Tracy, and Vanessa. John was leaning against his Cadillac Escalade. Tracy and Vanessa sat in the air-conditioned car. Their doors opened once they saw me and got out.

  Vanessa hugged me and asked, “Are you okay?”

  I returned her hug longer than I thought I would. “This was good. I’ll be back sooner than later.”

  “Are you sure you want us to leave you?” Vanessa asked while still hugging me so that no one could hear, sounding concerned.

  As if he had bionic ears, John responded, “You all don’t have to worry. Lachelle is in good hands with me. I’ll deliver her back home safe and sound.”

  Tracy jumped in. “Ain’t nobody worried about you. But, you know she’s my girl, and I wanted to see her before I left.”

  “Thank you for waiting, you know I appreciate it. But, we’re gonna stop and get a quick snack. We won’t be long.”

  John interjected. “And she’ll tell you everything when she gets back.”

  Tracy punched his arm. “Okay, we’re gone.” She hugged me, and they both climbed back into the car.

  After they drove off, John and I leaned against his truck dazing into the distance at Christian’s plot.

  “You ready?” I asked.

  “Yep, let’s get out of the heat. Where do you want to go?” As John opened the door for me, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but answered anyway.

  “Mrs. Jackson, this is Detective Smith from the Fifth District Police Station. We wanted to let you know that we have apprehended the suspect in your husband’s case. We’d like to see if you can come in and identify him?”

  Oh. My. Goodness.

  “How soon can I come?” John’s eyes asked what’s up.

  The detective responded. “You can come in now if you’re available.”

  Once I hung up and told John who was on the phone, he said he’d take me. I was thankful that I didn’t have to go alone. John put the address in his GPS, so I wouldn’t have to direct him back to the city. D.C. had changed so much that it had become unrecognizable over the last fifteen years even if you grew up here.

  Even though I was anxious about what would occur at the police station, I managed to ask John a few questions about his life.

  “So what’s going on with you? I’m sure there is someone in your life even though I don’t see a ring. And you mentioned that Christian was your first child.” I said emphasizing the word first.

  “I have a daughter.” He responded sounding hesitant when he continued. “She is from a previous marriag
e.”

  At that point, I noticed that the GPS directed him to drive a route that would take longer than the one I knew. I spent the rest of the trip getting John to the precinct because the GPS wasn’t doing the best job. I couldn’t wait to get all the details of how they found the suspect. This was the beginning of a long journey.

  Chapter 14

  The heat of the day seeped into the Fifth District police precinct located in the Northeast quadrant of the city. Two factors led to this place being as crowded as Times Square on New Year’s Eve: it was the first of the month and hot. I’d say it was ‘hotter than July,’ but since it was July 1st, it was clear that the calendar and mother nature were in agreement. Police officers shoved handcuffed men and boys through the hallways, some shirtless, some cursing, some high from who knew what. I knew their mamas hadn’t seen this in their futures when they were bright-eyed, little boys. I rubbed my stomach and whispered, ‘But God.’

  I’d told John all of the information that we’d need when we arrived because this dingy, dark and windowless precinct was not what I expected. We didn’t see any signs telling us where to go. John spotted a receptionist and directed me that way. As I walked on his heels, we hurried to inquire where we could find Detective Smith. As John spoke to her, I looked around and couldn’t help but think how this place reminded me of the set of New York Undercover.

  With no words being exchanged, John led me down the hallway, to Detective Smith’s office. I was ready to face the man who shot Brian, look him square in the eyes. I knew he wouldn’t be able to see me through the one-way glass, but I wished that he could. I wanted him to see that Brian had a wife, a life, and a future until the day he killed him.

  As John raised his hand to knock, the door swung open. Detective Smith was on his way out. “Are you Mrs. Jackson?” he asked extending his hand. I shook it and introduced John, although I wasn’t sure what to introduce him as, so ‘a family friend’ was what I landed on.